Humour Mail 4

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop.

A few days later, he recieved this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see.

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Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work."

The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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An African ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.

The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay.

Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette". He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.

The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex take your pick".

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered: "One of them's a cannibal."

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Song Of The Month (Oct 06)

The second song isn't a fresh track but its another song from Snow Patrol which I really like so I'd include it as well. It has got this "solo" part near the end of the song which is simply superb.

1. SNOW PATROL - CHASING CARS

We'll do it all
Everything on our own
We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say how I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace to remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?





2. SNOW PATROL - RUN

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Sunday Night Out

Met up with some of my army mates on sunday. Decided to meet up 'coz Naz just returned from Sydney (not for long, just a semester break - and not that he would want to stay any longer anyway) and Fabian's got an overseas posting.

Went to Starbucks for a drink. Discussion regarding the good old days was inevitable, as you would expect. Got updated on the hilarious events that took place in 63SIB after Naz and I ORD-ed.

We were off to Seoul Garden next. Well, food wasn't so fantastic, just the usual stuff. Getting bored already. But I guess the gathering was more important. :p

Then to end it all, we went for a drink. Man, it was the first time I drank a whole bottle of Baron's by myself. My friends were convinced I was drunk because my face was like so red. But I was really sober okay! I mean, if I was, I'd go swaying from side to side and do the funny things people do when they're drunk. Then again, they wouldn't believe me. :(

And here are the pictures.

A Passion For Truth Part 7

Last week I was lectured for going for "cheap" fun.

So, going out with friends instead of witnessing your miserable messages is equivalent to going for "cheap" fun.

First of all, let me clarify. Going for "cheap" fun? Don't make it sound like I do that for a living. I work on weekdays just like any other normal person and I go out with friends on weekends. I think it is a balanced lifestyle and I am very happy with that.

"Cheap" fun is cheap to you because you don't have a life. You do not want to go out and enjoy yourself, that is your choice. But do not impose your choice on others. How would you like it if we criticised or manipulated what you did during your free time? And if you would not like it, what makes you think you have the right to dictate what others do during weekends?

But of course you're self-righteous and you'll say humans have a tendency to only listen to people who say what they like to hear. You imply that people do not listen to you because you often say things others do not like to hear. Well that's not true. The reason people do not listen to you is because what you require and expect from others is ridiculous, really.

When we have to work on weekends, you say we should not choose jobs that require us to work on weekends, and that we should tell our bosses that we are unable to work on weekends.

When we go out with friends occasionally on weekends at the expense of attending your miserable programmes, you say we are going for "cheap" fun.

When we study for our exams at the expense of attending your miserable programmes, we say we lack faith.

When we fall sick and are unable to attend your miserable programmes, you say we should not be so "soft".

Then what, just what on earth is an acceptable reason for not attending your miserable programmes? You expect 100% attendance, 100% commitment. Even if we are there 99% of the time, you'd rather fuss about the 1% absence than say good things about how we are so regular 99% of the time. What is it on earth that you want? Do you think you're older and wiser and therefore are unable to respect the decisions of others?

Know the BIG difference between you and many other people in BEC whom i respect very much? That is that they are able to respect the decisions of others while you don't! But I tell you, only people who knows how to respect the decisions of others deserve respect in return.

And then there's also the magic phrase - whatever you're telling us is for our own good. Yeah right, for our own good! Having to come without fail on weekends at the expense of health, work, study or that occasional outing with friends... for our own good? Having to follow that inflexible, rigid system of yours... for our own good?

If you tell me that I should slim down, I will accept. Because that is for my own good, no questions about that. But this, for my own good?

For our own good my foot! It is a bloody oppression, and oppression breeds anger! People attend programmes because they feel compelled to, and not because they want to.

I mean, let's face it. People have left because they didn't like your oppressive, inflexible, dictatorial style of leadership, and people will continue to leave because of this. Don't expect a change in the situation if you do not first correct your attitude.

And as for your remarks about me going for "cheap" fun and not putting my talents to good use in BEC, thank you very much but I think you can save them for yourself. Even if I wanted to achieve 100% attendance and commitment, it would not be at your pathetic programmes. And even if I wanted to put my talents to good use, I would not choose to work under such an unreasonable person like you.

:)

Nature

Went to New Zealand a few years ago, and still can't forget it's beauty. Well I didn't take these pictures - I am not such a good photographer. Just happened to stumble upon these pictures on the Web, and thought I'd share them with you. Enjoy the beauty and majesty of nature.