Vacation Plans

Yays! I'm going to New Zealand again this November!

I had been there before, and that was in May 2003. Still seems like yesterday.

The other time I had gone on a scheduled tour with Dynasty Travel to both the North and South islands for a total of 12 days. But you bet it wasn't enough, and I had promised myself then I would go back there someday. So here I am.

I'm really looking forward to this 11 days trip to the South Island. Especially so because I had planned the entire trip myself, right down to the choice of accomodation, transport and day tours, and am really eager to find how things turns out.

And the reason for not going on a scheduled tour with a local travel agent like I did the last time?

Well, a few reasons actually. With the amount we are forking out on this 11 days vacation, we will only be able to go on a 8 days vacation if we were to follow a group tour. That's 3 days extra value for the same price!!

Besides, I have always believed that it is pointless in forking out thousands of dollars on five star accomodation on vacations when I'm going to be away from the hotel most of the time doing sightseeing and shopping. This unless, of course, I'm rich.

Thus, I have gone for the cheaper options, like motels where there are also kitchen facilities to do our own cooking.

Lastly, I get to choose my own tours, the places I want to go to, the things I want to do. This is much better than the standard attractions/day tours the local travel agencies offer.

Planning the trip isn't easy as there is a lot of research involved. But I learn from it, and I get to make informed and independent choices in regards to the tour itinerary. Besides, reading up on such things never fails to make me dreamy and put me in a holiday mood. :)

Anyway, I will be travelling with my entire family this time round and I hope they will enjoy the activities I have arranged for everyone.

Will update this blog with photos when we're back!

Humour Mail 7

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: Shit.

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

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Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing reaction to her.

Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.

On her way she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.

So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she farted and farted.

Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.

She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised. There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!

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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in Church beside my wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."