Don't Thrash It Out On Parents

They say, bad upbringing and parenting results in bad behaviour or attitude. And that the values we hold dear reflects on what values our parents hold dear.

Our parents must have taught us a lot, so if our parents have good values, they will surely impart the good values to us and we too will have good values. On the other hand, if our parents have bad values, we too will have bad values.

I cannot disagree more. These statements are not entirely accurate.

First of all, think about the word "bad". How long ago was it that everyone around you agreed in unison about something you thought was "bad"? I'm not talking about the clear-cut issues like murder or rape here, because even the idiots will know they are bad. I'm talking about the issues people debate about everyday, like whether Westernisation is beneficial, and whether the death penalty should be abolished in the country - the grey areas.

If I thought Westernisation to be detrimental, should I then go ahead to say that everyone who embrace Westernisation has bad values, and therefore their parents must also have bad values? If I did, wouldn't I be looking at things from a very subjective point of view?

Sadly, this is the case with the self-righteous. They are somehow unable to see things objectively, not to say they even try to anyway. Whatever they think is bad must be bad. Therefore, if they thought exposure to violence on television is bad, then people who watch too many violent movies surely have bad values and their parents also surely have bad values.

Grey areas can only become black in the eyes of the self-righteous. To others they remain grey areas. Thus, if nobody can be a perfect judge for debatable issues which ultimately forms part of the values we hold dear, how can they be considered to be bad values, and what more, how can parents who inculcate such values in their children be bad as well?

Secondly, I believe that values are not inculcated in children solely by their parents.

My parents never taught me anything about the freedom of expression, but boy do I love it! My parents never educated me on the importance of democracy or the oppressiveness of communism but I learnt about them when I studied History in school.

Besides, if having "good" values is a result of "good parenting", then why are some parents of several children, using similar and consistent methods of upbringing, only successful in imparting so-called "good" values in some? That's because some children may be intrinsically rebellious, or may have been led astray by their peers.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that parenting has nothing to do with behavioural problems. I am only reinforcing the fact that "good" values do not necessarily stem from effective parenting, and that likewise, "bad" values do not necessarily stem from bad parenting. Other factors such as peer influence and self-learning do come into place as well.

So, bad values as a result of bad parenting? That's for typical Singaporean losers who seek to find scapegoats for everything that has gone wrong in their lives; in their subjective, make-belief world where everyone conforms to their mindset.

C'mon people! Speak up against this oppression! How long more will you allow the self-righteous to criticise you for practising your rights, or to criticise your parents for not imparting good values to you, whenever you do not conform to the practices in the self-centered, imaginary world of theirs!! Don't let people blame your parents for everything you do! Because sometimes you feel that special way for things your parents never did.

You have a life! Live it!